Hey, everyone. I gotta get something off my chest that I’ve been carrying around with me for a very long time. There’s really not ever a good time or way to say it, so I’ll just get to the point:
I have depression.
I have been living with depression for a very long time and up two years ago I had not ever told a single person. I had been closing myself off emotionally for so many years, it’s become ridiculously difficult for me to talk about how I actually feel deep down inside. I simply couldn’t get myself to tell anyone and I had built up so many reasons in my head over the years why it wouldn’t be worth it anyway. All up until a point where I had to realize I was wasting my life away. I was done. I couldn’t go on like this. From there, it took some time to finally get myself to tell someone, that I was not okay and hadn’t been for a very long time. After years of struggling in silence, it was a first step.
So, this is another one I’ve been meaning to take. Because I don’t want to hide this away anymore. I’m tired of feeling dishonest every time someone asks me how I am, even when it’s just formalities. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of feeling empty. I’m tired of feeling sick. I have to find a way to get better. I’m working on letting my guard down and I’m trying to find the strength to be honest about this. Because I don’t think I’ll make it very far if I keep myself closed off like I have. So, here it is. It is terrifying, to be honest, but I hope in the long run it will help me handle this better.
Thank you for bothering to read this.
I know, this is all a little out of the blue, so, to make sense of this whole mess, I’ll explain.
I’ll try to keep it short but it’s still gonna be a bit of a long and depressing read. Alternatively, just listen to one of the many depressing songs I like. Thanks again for having taken the time.