The Weight


Here I am again.

Struggling to even write this. Barely bringing up the energy.

Not wanting to do anything.

Wanting to do everything.

There’s so much I want to be — I want to do.

I wanna play a dozen instruments. I wanna be a singer-songwriter. I want to record and produce music. I want to make movies, or at least youtube short films. I want to be able to draw. I want to learn to make stunning photography. I want to learn more about sciences. I want to learn more about programming. I want to develop video games. I want to be philosophic. I wanted to learn to skate. I wanted to try acting. I want to learn more languages. I want to write a novel. I want to write articulate, insightful posts for this blog. I want to express myself. I want to be heard. I wanted to make this world a better place. I wanted people to have some empathy for one another.

But I will either suck at it, no one will care about it, or it’s just f***ing impossible alltogether.

I want to be with my friends. I want to be happy. I want to be with the one I never had. I want someone to sincerely ask me how the hell I’m doing. I want to reach out. I want to feel something.

I want it so much.

But I’m just sitting here.
With the world at my fingertips.
And a heart too heavy to do a single thing.

I want to be so much.

But I’m nothing.

2 thoughts on “The Weight

  1. Being in love with the world is hard. Wanting to do everything, because everything seems so intriguing and just downright endless in terms of possibilities and sparks and, and just so fun, and *cringe, just really, really fun. Seems like a innocent, childlike dream.

    It’s so funny how when we’re all young and cute, strange adults would ask- what WE would like to be.
    There’s just no right answer is there? :3

    But then, there’s no wrong in trying, I guess.. (?)
    Hehe, don’t mind my creeping on an old post! Just doing a little midnight strolling, that’s all.

    Liked by 1 person

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