Here I am again.
Struggling to even write this. Barely bringing up the energy.
Not wanting to do anything.
Wanting to do everything.
There’s so much I want to be — I want to do.
I wanna play a dozen instruments. I wanna be a singer-songwriter. I want to record and produce music. I want to make movies, or at least youtube short films. I want to be able to draw. I want to learn to make stunning photography. I want to learn more about sciences. I want to learn more about programming. I want to develop video games. I want to be philosophic. I wanted to learn to skate. I wanted to try acting. I want to learn more languages. I want to write a novel. I want to write articulate, insightful posts for this blog. I want to express myself. I want to be heard. I wanted to make this world a better place. I wanted people to have some empathy for one another.
But I will either suck at it, no one will care about it, or it’s just f***ing impossible alltogether.
I want to be with my friends. I want to be happy. I want to be with the one I never had. I want someone to sincerely ask me how the hell I’m doing. I want to reach out. I want to feel something.
I want it so much.
But I’m just sitting here.
With the world at my fingertips.
And a heart too heavy to do a single thing.
I want to be so much.
But I’m nothing.